24.august.2009
1:37am

do you even understand how this started?

a long while back i met you. actually, i met an awful lot of people. i didn’t know where any of these budding relationships would end up, nor did i comprehend the extremes to which some would be pushed. things between you and i are now rather detailed. do you understand that i am still confused? do you realize that i need things you’re unwilling to give? part of me is afraid to tell you so. maybe i’m afraid you’ll vanish…

in all actuality, i’m worried you’ll hate me for trying to change you. but, i’ve come to learn that you’re not EVERYthing i need. just most of it. however, i don’t actually believe any one person will ever, ever fit all the criteria i have laid out to be my PERFECT match. (fortunately or unfortunately, i seem to fit other’s “perfect match” profile quite nicely. it’s happened a few times. (something i also don’t understand).)

luckily for you, you are quite near to meeting my “perfect” requirements. i just need to man up and talk to you. i don’t know why it’s so hard, but it seems to be something i can’t control. (somewhat like my newly discovered sleepwalking/talking talents.) don’t get me wrong, you still mean the world to me. i’d give anything but my children for you, which is an awful lot coming from someone like me. i hope you’ll understand when i tell you that you need to be more like him. i hope he understands when i tell him i’m not packing my bags for the same destination as he’d hoped.

maybe things will work out how i’d like. but that’s purely wishful thinking.