5.september.2009
2:45am

i still haven’t learned how to be content. there are points when i think i am, i think i just might be okay with everything. and it hits me, hard. felicia- you’re a [[freaking]] joke. quit looking for your happy ending. it’ll never be there.

sometimes i think i am in love. maybe it’s real, maybe things will last. and they never do. i need to find someone who i don’t have to lie to, or about, to keep everyone happy. i need to find someone like me, who is okay with me. someone who can accept who i was, who i am, and who i want to be. once, i found someone who was okay with who i wanted to be. i married him. he couldn’t accept who i had been in the past. another day, i found someone who could accept all three. except he was not who i needed. he didn’t want any of the same things i wanted. he didn’t want to grow with me. so he was out. now, i’ve found someone who is okay with who i was, and who i am. he just can’t accept who i want to be. …wait, retract that statement. he won’t grow with me. he can entirely accept who i want to be. however, he can’t go there with me. so, i’ve kind of contradicted myself. because who i want to be is with him (whoever “he” may be..).

it’s time to quit now. it’s time.

too bad i know i’ll fail at my attempt to fail. when you’re older, you might understand.