16.setember.2009
11:38pm

have you ever felt empowered? something happens, usually quite moving, and everything else feels right. you get courage, strength, hope, …it’s all there. and you can see it playing in your head. you’ll go home and just say what’s on your mind, the truth, about everything. but it won’t matter what anyone thinks of it all, because you don’t care anymore. you know what you want and what you need and you’re going to get it. you know what you need to get done and you’re going to do it, and stop procrastinating. and you’re going to do it all right now.

it’s too bad it’s terribly hard to keep that motivation going.

maybe that’s why i’m on medication. (but keep that part quiet, it’s a secret.) so i can get my motivation back. hopefully, this time, it doesn’t motivate me to do the same things i tried last time. hopefully i have the strength and enough reasons to not try anything like that again. or, at least, that i’ll talk to someone before i sincerely consider such grave actions. hopefully i can keep my trust in people this time. …i know there’s someone who won’t let me down.

…i’m not going to lie, i am exhausted. i hardly slept last night, and i’m not starting off tonight too well either. i probably won’t ever finish this entry, but i tried. my brain is just not functioning at full capacity now that the exhaustion is settling in. we’ll just have to start with a blank sheet another day.

farewell.xx